‘Twas the Night Before Kickoff

It's a magical story.

‘Twas the night before kickoff, and after all this,

Not a GM was tinkering, not even commish.

The lineups were set, from the shitter with care, 

In hopes Scott Hansen’s voice soon would be there.

GM’s were hammered, passed out in their beds,

While visions of TDs danced in their heads.

And me in my sweatpants, and Brady in my stack,

Drafting Julio late was such a great hack.

While the beers I drink make me much fatter,

I check the league page, for the smack-talk chatter.

To the endzone Tyreek, flew like a flash,

My opponents’ hopes of winning, soon started to dash.

With the combo of Chase, Higgins, and Joe,

I yell at the TV, don’t kneel it, score some MO!

When what to my hazed over eyes should appear, 

An empty bag of Doritos, and a spilled IPA beer.

With a running back scoring so lightning quick,

I knew in a moment, it must be Chubb, of house Nick.

The teal green eagles, like forces they came,

In my lineup, I started by name:

Now Brown, now Sanders!

Now Hurts, now Smith!

Now Sermon (meh), Now Gainwell!

Now Goedert, now an injury, no not this!

My hopes of winning then went up like poof,

Down went Brandon, Brandon Aiyuk.

I thought this was the year, I would turn it around,

Injuries hit faster than the speed of sound.

An ACL tear, and lisfranc in his foot,

His season was over, my flex was cooked.

I got too cute, drafting a stack,

Instead of listening to Wolf, & taking the best value quarterback.

Watching Green Bay, in a foot of snow,

I can’t believe I’m starting one, David Blough.

Picking the Cheetos, out of my teeth,

Watching Derrick Henry tear through me like a beast.

With injuries stacked up, now forced to start Josh Kelly,

Halftime sounds good, for a trip to the deli.

It’s now Sunday night, and Monday brings work,

Down to one last hope, with Lawrence and Kirk.

They score a TD, and a penalty after the whistle!

A 50-yard bomb, TLAW threw like a missile.

I jump off my couch, and scream ALRIGHT!

That score sealed the deal, we started the season off right!

To fellow fantasy players, merry football Christmas to all,  

And may your flex be chosen right!


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