Don’t Be That Guy! The 5 Fantasy Football Draft Personas We All Know and Hate

We all know a few of these drafters.

With the final week of the NFL preseason coming up, it also signifies the most popular draft weekend for fantasy football leagues. Here are some owner types that every league notoriously has at least one of on draft day. This article ensures that it won’t be you.

Mr. IP(PR)A

We all know this manager the best. The one that shows up to the draft with a case of Icehouse and his own cooler in tow. They don’t have any semblance of league rules, players, or even when the league starts. They are only there to chug brews and tell you to check out this video on their phone while playing at full volume for everyone in ear shot to hear.

Arguably the most annoying type of draft day participant.

The Todd McShay Wannabe

This owner type is one that feels the need to make their opinion known on EVERY. SINGLE. SELECTION. There isn’t a draft pick that goes by without some type of snarky comment like, ”Oof, yeah, I’m sure you’ll win taking him in the second round!” Or, ”Man, what a steal, can’t believe he was still available” when they make their selection in the 8th round.

Let everyone draft their team in peace, and pipe down in your Birkenstocks.

The Argyle

This is the new league owner that was vouched for by an existing league-mate. They have no idea WHERE the draft is actually being held, and then show up smelling like the Surfer Boy Pizza delivery van. They didn’t print out The Wolf’s 2022 Fantasy Rankings or have a player list to speak of, and ask how many kickers are started on a weekly basis.

This is what happens when you let too many strangers in the league, and have to find fill-ins at the last minute.

“Is This Guy Taken?”

The most detrimental owner type to a draft rhythm once you get going is the one that tries to draft Jonathan Taylor in the seventh round. They announce the pick with such conviction, you’re convinced it’s a time traveling version of this owner that thinks it is the first round of the draft. The other owners in unison all say ”he’s gone” as if it’s breaking news.

Pay attention and cross players out on your list during the draft as they’re selected!

The Speed Bump

Joining the ”Is this guy taken” owner is the Speed Bump. This is the owner that takes 20 minutes with every selection they make in the draft. They stare off into space for 15 minutes, take a bathroom break, and then consult their list to see who they want to take with their next selection. It’s the 13th round, and it’s all lottery picks at this point, but they seem to think they’re agonizing between Justin Jefferson and Cooper Kupp at the top of the first.

Let’s keep it moving here so we can make last call at the bar up the street once the draft is wrapped.

Draft day is easily the best day of the entire fantasy football season, so try to avoid ruining it for the rest of your league. If you do by chance fall into one of these buckets, be better…for the sake of your league, as well as your status in it.

Author

  • 80s kid and long time fantasy player. Survivor of the days of telling mom to stay off the phone so you can finish your draft on yahoo so you wouldn’t be kicked from AOL.

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