2017 Fantasy Football Player and Game of Thrones Character Comparisons; “Beyond the Wall” Betting Lines

See how the stars of fantasy football compare to the characters of Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones & Football: Making Sunday Great Again

Originally, Game of Throne’s July 16th start to Season 7 enraged me. My addicted, nerd self was used to beginning my two month Westerosi Vacation in April. Why, Lord of Light, would you deny me my fix of kings, queens, dragons, and incestual twin sex for 60+ days?

But, as football season has crept closer – a mere two more Sundays away — I’ve had a moment of clarity.

No, not just that Christian McCaffrey has the talent to be a true RB1 on the 15+ weekly touches he’ll receive. Nor that Dez Bryant is still Dez Bryant, and needs to be treated like a true WR1. Or that Kareem Hunt is the back to own in Kansas City (in an Andy Reid scheme that has facilitated 19.5 PPR PPG to lead RBs). All developments that can be found in my “Real Time Rankings.” 

No. The Almighty Seven hide their mercy in mysterious ways, and GoT’s delayed season start is Exhibit A.

You see, tonight we get a “Beyond the Wall” experience that promises to be among the series best. (Side Note: If you watched the leaked episode ahead of time, you deserve The Reek treatment). Next week, the Season 7 Finale will surely be epic. From there, we’ve got only a single week, one often filled with Fantasy Drafts, until real football.

We’ve arrived people. Praise The Old Gods for all their Mercy!

In light of literally my two favorite things (Fantasy and GoT) marrying to make Sundays as seamlessly as Eric Decker and Marcus Mariota will in 2017, I’ve created my own perfect mergers. Below, I compare 2017’s Fantasy Football Talents to Game of Thrones characters.

Note – there is no organized rubric or scoring behind these comparisons. Rather, these are just merely connections that made sense to my (baked) self. I also purposefully selected characters more prominent to the current plot, particularly in tonight’s episode, instead of considering former legends such as Ned Stark.  Similarly, fantasy names are strictly 2017 talents.

Cue Ramin Djawadi’s “A Song of Fire & Ice,” chug some Milk of the Poppy, and let’s dig in:

GoT & Fantasy Football Comparisons

Tier One – The Showstoppers

A Fantasy Tier that once belonged to three workhorse monsters has been ripped apart by the Joffrey-esque Tyrant, King Robert Goodell the Douche. Akin to The Mad King and fit for a mere jester court, Goodell the Deuche has spread his tyranny without rhyme or reason. Thus, we’re left with two fantasy talents at the top of all drafts, along with the rising AB.

1) David Johnson (Workhorse of the West, Threatener of 2,500 / 20, “The Cheatcode”) and Jon Snow (King of the North)

The Rulers of their Respective Universes

Versatility. Consistency. Just sheer dominance in all they do, Snow and Johnson both serve as the faces of their respective domains. The fate of Westeros and the virtual gridiron lie in both party’s hands, and each can be counted on for breathtaking performances every time they touch the rock. Amidst formidable competition, I expect Snow, after being revealed as Rhaeger’s first born son and the rightful heir to the throne, will sit atop the Iron Throne when all is said and done. Johnson shall claim the Virtual Gridiron’s equivalent.

2) Le’Veon Bell (Workhorse of the East, Feaster of Yards)  and Daenarys Targaryen (The First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons)

The Very Real Challengers to the Thrones

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If one person is capable of making Snow bend the knee, it’s Daenarys. The same holds true of Bell in regards to DJ. Similar to his dragon-riding, highly explosive GoT counterpart, Bell somehow offers more week-to-week upside than Johnson. Yet, his “fiery” personality (holdout, weed) makes him a risk to miss time, just a The Mother of Dragons ambition creates a low, but scary chance at an early elimination.

3) Antonio Brown (Target Hog of the East, Dominator of Games, Safest Play in all the Land) and Tyrion Lannister (Hand of the Queen, Drinker that Knows Things)

Forever Dependable

Reliability is the major link here. Just as Tyrion constantly delivers insight for his comrades and entertainment for his viewers, AB is a lock to produce for owners.  At this point, both are known commodities with the sturdiest of floors… and yet still enormous ceilings. AB could approach 2,000. Tyrion could ride a dragon and murk shit. Ultimate floor ceiling combos.

Random GoT Prediction: All three of these characters are revealed as Targaryen and ride the dragons together in epic conquests — no one beside Daenarys could come close to touching a dragon, and Tyrion and Snow have now pet them.

Tier 2 – Crucial Mainstays

4) Mike Evans (Dominator of Jump Ball, Destroyer of Single Covers) and Euron Greyjoy (King of the Iron Islands, Commander of Cersei’s Fleet)

 Brilliant Early Careers Destined for even Greater”

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Now, this might seem like a slight to a talent of Evans’ level, but hear me out:

Both Evans and Euron have relatively small histories.  Just like Evans in a dominant rookie season, Euron entered GoT with a bang, slaying his own brother Balon to ascend to King of the Iron Islands.

Yet, both Euron and Evans disappeared for an extended stretch, with Euron a nonfactor beyond useless banter, and Evans a massive fantasy bust as a sophomore.  Since returning to the field of play, however, both have been nothing short of dominant — Euron’s destruction of Yara’s fleet, murder of two sandsnakes, and capturing of Ellaria and Tyene Sand the latest reminder of his ability to dominate. Evans was similarly masterful in 2016, leading the league in targets while posting a massive 96 catch, 1321 yard, 12 TD season.

Best of all? Both seem poised for even juicier future roles. Euron is out for Cersei’s hand and essentially the power to rule the land.  Evans is still dominating targets and corners in the preseason, with 9 catches and 115 yards in just about a half of action so far.  Though these names may be slightly overlooked in their respective fields, both Euron and Evans have the upside to completely alter their respective landscapes.

5) Dez Bryant (Destroyer of the Back Shoulder) & The Hound

What Once has Fallen, Shall Rise Again

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Both Dez and The Hound have made careers of whipping out their hogs, and proving their more  “Man” than anyone else. Yet, both have fallen upon hard times of late, causing many to forget their alike abilities to make corners and challengers yield to their will.

More important, both appear to have rehabbed this broken image, and are set for some late career explosions. Healthy as he’s been in years, Dez seems destined for at least one more monstrous ride off into the sunset, flashing this in last night’s preseason contest with a dominant 2 catch, 55 yard, manly TD performance. In an equally quick glance to end last week, The Hound similarly appears recharged, rejuvenated, and hungry for a monstrous, perhaps final, performance Beyond the Wall.

Tier 3 – The Wildcards

Though only seen in glimpses, these players and characters have flashed season-changing upside in their limited appearances. More featured work and consistent health could yield legends recanted by Maesters for years on end, both in GoT and Fantasy Football

6) Tyreek Hill / Martavis Bryant (Ascenders into the WR1 Realm, Owners of Cavernous Floors) and The Night King (King Beyond the Wall)

Game changing Flashes with Usage Concerns (that seem ready to be quelled) 

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Just as Hill and Bryant have flashed elite WR1 upside whenever on the field, The Night King has looked unstoppable in limited action. With the series devastatingly close to its close and matters beyond the wall highly unsettled, The Night King promises to be a mainstay for the remainder of the series. This projected volume increase should gives The Night King the upside to overthrow the Thrones Game entirely.

Similarly, Hill and Bryant project to be far greater cogs in their respective attacks. Both bring game-changing capabilities to the field, it’s a simple matter of execution and usage at this point. Especially with Jeremy Maclin now departed, Hill in particular seems primed for a massive role increase, and reports suggest he’s been the “star of camp” in this new potential target hog role. He and Bryant both stand to deliver massive, WR1 campaigns that could alter the landscape of fantasy.

Still, we’ve only gotten flashes. Though breakouts for all three seem like destiny, the floor for zero impact does exist if not used properly… or figured out by the opponent (Dragon Glass being the equivalent of double coverage and game tape.

7) Christian McCaffrey / Dalvin Cook / Joe Mixon (Newborn Breakers into RB1 Tiers) Gendry (Son of Robert Baratheon, Potential Heir to the Throne)

Future Challengers to their respective Thrones

Through two weeks of the preseason, the Rookie Runners have more than lived up to their class’ prestigious hype. In particular, McCaffrey and Cook appear primed to challenge for RB1 Titles all season after showing serious usage and talent upside.

Still, like Gendry with John Snow last week, these backs remain aware of their youth, and remain subservient to the King Workhorses of the North… for now.  Just like Gendry’s sneaky namesake, these backs drip in the raw talent to eventual make a legitimate claim to rule the fantasy land. For now, they must prove their worth and rise once unleashed into the field of battlefield, pounding opponents into submission just like Gendry is about to do with his massive sledgehammer.

8) Adrian Peterson (Bulldozer of Tacklers, Former King of the RBs) & Ser Jorah (House Mormont, Queensgaurd, Lord of Bear Island)

Aging Veteran capable of one last masterpiece

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Fresh off a shocking recovery from his Gray Scale, Ser Jorah returns to the field of battle for one last hurrah.  This comeback harkens to AP’s 2017 outlook with the Saints; the future Hall of Famer is off a season riddle by injury and ineffectiveness, yet has looked fresh and spry in camp. Surrounded by oodles of talent, both Jorah and AP should see more limited work, but they could do monstrous damage with the touches the receive. The motor of neither will never die, and both will exit their respective fields swinging mightily.

Tier 4 – The Supporting Casts

9) Rob Kelley (Ruler of the Plodders, Gainer of 1.3 YPC) and Samwise Tarley (Softest Man in all of Westeros, Future Maester)

The Plodders of Importance

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No one likes watching Kelley or Samwise blubbering around their respective fields. Even so, both are prominently used in highly valuable scenarios. Even if he gains less than two yards a pop, the plodding Rob Kelley appears primed for workhorse duties in an offense with oodles of scoring upside. Similarly, Tarley’s fat ass might just be the missing key at defeating The White Walkers. Though watching either go to work is a pain for the eyes, the results should ultimately leave the crowds pleased.

10) Eddie Lacy (Force Feeder of China Buffets, Gainer of 100s of LBs) and Reek (Formerly Theon Greyjoy, Ruined Soul)

Ruined Bodies with No Light in Sight

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Though Lacy’s tubby physical frame is the complete opposite of Reek’s, his starved and brutalized fantasy fortunes are near parallels to the broken Greyjoy; both once seemed prominent future leaders, and have now withered to obsolete.  Indeed, the turncloak Theon deserved a punishment for his crimes, but most can agree he received far more than necessary at the hands of Ramsay. Lacy similarly has been ravaged for his lard-filled body, and rightfully so, though reports may be going a bit overboard. Also similar, we’d all like to think either have a heroic last effort buried somewhere within them, but time and time again they prove this to be a mere myth. Season 7, and Lacy’s 2017, appear no different. Just like Reek’s “moment” saving Sansa, Lacy might have a random 3 TD afternoon. But everything else will leave you running to heave into a trash barrel.

Which character and player comparisons were spot on? Any seem way too absurd? Which comparisons are missing — which character is Ezekiel Elliott? What player is Brienne? Littlefinger? Hit the comments below, or @RotoStreetWolf now!

Bonus: JimboSlice’s “Beyond the Wall” Betting Lines

  1. How many of Jon Snow’s Group of 7 die beyond the wall?
    1. Over 1.5 (-120)
    2. Under 1.5 (+120)
  2. Odds on Characters Survival
    1. Jon (-1000)
    2. The Hound (-400)
    3. Gendry (-300)
    4. Jorah (-200)
    5. Tormund (EVEN)
    6. Beric (+100)
    7. Thoros (+250)
  3. Will Jon and Jorah discuss Longclaw
    1. Yes (-250)
    2. No (+300)
  4. Number of White Walkers (not wights) killed
    1. Under 1.5 (-200)
    2. Over 1.5 (+150)
  5. Will Jon and Dany kiss this episode?
    1. Yes (-110)
    2. No (+105)
  6. Will Jon and Dany have sex?
    1. Yes (+250)
    2. No (-200)
  7. Number of kills for the Night King
    1. Over 1.5 (-110)
    2. Under 1.5 (+105)
  8. Will Jon’s group successfully capture and return a wight?
    1. Yes (-300)
    2. No (+400)
  9. Amount of episode time (71 total min) not devoted to Eastwatch/North of the Wall
    1. Over 15 minutes (+150)
    2. Under 15 minutes (-110)
  10. Number of times The Hound says “cunt” in the episode
    1. Over 2.5 (-150)
    2. Under 2.5 (+140)
  11. Will Arya use “a face” in the episode?
    1. Yes (-110)
    2. No (EVEN)



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