Roger Goodell gets interviewed by Colin Cowherd, Continues to be the Biggest Liar on Earth - Roto Street Journal
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Roger Goodell gets interviewed by Colin Cowherd, Continues to be the Biggest Liar on Earth

On Wednesday, Roger Goodell did an interview on “The Herd” with Colin Cowherd. Per usual, he knew Cowherd would not ask him the tough questions, and the few tough questions that were asked, Goodell gave scripted and idiotic non-answers. Cowherd brought up the upcoming Super Bowl, the Patriots, Tom Brady, Robert Kraft, Thursday Night Football and other subjects, in which Goodell did his best to look completely unaware and clueless.

We’ll get to the Patriots stuff in a bit, but lets start off with the most egregious answer of the entire interview.

Cowherd brought up the debacle that is Thursday Night Football and ball-washed the commissioner by saying it’s not as bad as the rest of the media thinks and Cowherd believes the games are “pretty darn good.”

“We’re more than just optics here. We’re into facts,” Goodell said. “So go to the same statistics, because you’re right about the quality of the games on Thursday night. There are actually less penalties, less turnovers and almost by every barometer the quality of the game is better on Thursday night. Now, obviously some games you’re going to have that aren’t going to be as competitive, but you get that.

WHAT?!?! “BY EVERY BAROMETER THE QUALITY OF THE GAME IS BETTER ON THURSDAY NIGHT.” IS HE KIDDING? In all honesty, has Goodell ever watched a Thursday Night Football game? Did he watch the Patriots- Texans 27-0 barnburner featuring Jacoby Brissett and Brock Osweiler? Especially when it was stated by various media outlets that if the game was played on Sunday that Jimmy Garoppolo would have started? Or how about when the Cardinals, led by Drew Stanton, defeated Blaine Gabbert and the 49ers? Or when Matt Barkley completed 6 of 15 passes for 81 yards against the Packers? Or Cody Kessler’s “quality” performance against the Ravens, when he went 11 of 18 for 91 yards? Or how about the final Thursday night game of the season, when the Seahawks dismantled the Rams 24-3?

Roger, stop lying to us. You like Thursday because of money. Everyone has to tune in because they’re addicted to your sport and there’s nothing else on TV besides a middle-tier ACC football game on ESPN. You also like the cute color rush jerseys that people will be forced to buy, which gives you guys even more money. Spare us your bullshit, Roger. Thursday Night Football sucks. It’s just that us as football fans will watch just about anything that has to do with your league and your sport. (Although I am a huge fan of the 9AM London games, which are about to end… Shocker.)

Anyways, back to more time sensitive topics.

Colin Cowherd: Boston fans are thinking why won’t the commissioner show up to our playoff games again. This is how Boston reacts. It’s a feisty media. I have to ask you, why not go to Foxborough? Were there safety concerns, perhaps?

Goodell: No, Colin. We had two great games. I was in Boston two years ago for the Divisional and the Championship games. I try to get to as many stadiums as I can. We have two great games and you’ve got to choose. Frankly, the focus should be on the players, the coaches and the great game. That’s the way it was this weekend and that’s the way it should be.

I try to get to as many stadiums as I can. Is this guy fucking serious? HE WAS IN ATLANTA THE WEEK BEFORE FOR THE DIVISIONAL ROUND. I bet on my life that if the Patriots played in Pittsburgh for the AFC Championship Game, he would have been in a cushy luxury box right beside the Rooney’s.

I was in Boston two years ago for the Divisional and the Championship games. Uh, have you noticed that you haven’t been back to Foxoboro since that AFC Championship game (where you actually sat in the crowd with the Patriots fans), which also happened to be the start of DeflateGate? Is this just a coincidence that you haven’t been back to Gillette since then? Face it, Rog. You’re a lying rat who is the most unaware person of all time. You are petrified to step foot into that stadium and everyone knows it.

Cowherd: It’s hard, my former employer dealt with this, it’s very, very hard. I gotta ask you, you just have to be as honest as you can. If you handed the trophy to [Tom] Brady, wouldn’t there be a little discomfort maybe? Because of all the talk and the narrative and the media? People say: ‘Roger’s uncomfortable with that’ Would you be slightly uncomfortable for even a moment?

Goodell: Not for a second. This is one of the great opportunities. We have two dominant teams playing in the Super Bowl. The Patriots and Falcons have both earned the opportunity to be there. They deserve it. Whoever wins that championship is going to have to earn it, because these are great teams. I’m going to be thrilled. Tom Brady is one of the all-time greats. He has been for several years. He’s on the precipice of at least potentially winning his fifth Super Bowl ring. He is an extraordinary player, a great performer, and a sure-fire Hall of Famer. It would be an honor. 

Oh, Roger. You will look like a Parkinson’s patient when the final whistle blows and the Patriots are the 2017 Super Bowl Champions. You will have to walk through the red, white and blue confetti through the Patriots players, the Patriots coaching staff and the Patriots front office — all guys who despise you — en route to the 50-yard line. You will then walk up to the stage holding the Super Bowl Trophy shaking in your ($5,000) boots on national television, rubbing shoulders with the men whose season you attempted to ruin. Not only will you have to look Bill Belichick in the eye, you’ll have to then announce Tom Brady as the Super Bowl MVP and hand him another trophy after suspending him for four games without having a clue about the Ideal Gas Law or any of the facts. We all know Brady is a stand-up guy and will probably give you a hug, but make no mistake about it…

Tom hates you. His teammates hate you. His head coach hates you. The Krafts hate you. All of New England hates you, Roger.

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  1. Pingback: Super Bowl 51: 5 Reasons why the New England Patriots will beat the Atlanta Falcons

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