I didn’t rank any kickers or defenses during the preseason because you should be streaming the position; now that streaming season has arrived, this becomes highly relevant. Nothing is better than rubbing your opponents face in a 15+ pile of shit points from the perfect streamer DEF.
Here’s who we think could be Week 1’s top options:
*Denver and Carolina are not ranked because they already played*
Tier One – Chances to be Week One’s Top Scoring DEF
1. Houston Texans vs. Chi – This is dependent upon Watt suiting up; if he does, I see at least one defensive TD coming Houston’s way.
2. Los Angeles Rams @ SF
3. Seattle Seahawks vs. Mia
4. Arizona Cardinals vs. NE – Offensive line concerns, plus no Gronk makes the Cardinals a real threat to Week 1’s top spot.
Tier Two – Highly Startable Defenses
5. Minnesota Vikings @ Ten
6. Kansas City Chiefs vs. SD
7. Cincinnati Bengals @ NYJ
8. New England Patriots @ Ari – They’re going to need the defense to play fired up with all the offensive holes, and a pick-6 is highly possible.
9. New York Jets vs. Cin
Tier Three – Last options to consider
10. Philadelphia Eagles vs. Cle
11. Buffalo Bills @ Bal
12. Philadelphia Eagles vs. Cle
13. Tennessee Titans vs. Min
14. Baltimore Ravens vs. Buf
15. Green Bay Packers @ Jax
16. Cleveland Browns @ Phi – Maybe Wentz craps his pants, despite this defense’s shortcomings.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers @ Was
Shocker of the shit pile – Tampa Bay Bucs @ ATL – Unlikely to produce much, but Matt Ryan could get pick-sixed, and Jameis Winston / the offense should control plenty of clock. Hopefully you don’t have to stoop this low.
Who’s going to score points? Great, go with that option:
Tier One – Locked in #1 options
1. Steven Hauschka (Sea) vs. Mia
2. Justin Tucker (Bal) vs. Buf
3. Adam Vinatieri (Ind) vs Det
4. Dan Bailey (Dal) vs. NYG
5. Sebastian Janikowski (Oak) @ NO
6. Mason Crosby (GB) @ Jax
Tier Two – Other solid guys
7. Stephen Gostkowski (NE) @ Ari – Usually the #1 weekly option, Gostkowski could explode if the team is effective but can’t close in the red zone. Or he could be abysmal if the offensive holes prove too much to overcome and they can’t move the ball.
8. Chandler Catanzaro (Ari) vs. NE
9. Cairo Santos (KC) vs. SD
10. Chris Boswell (Pit) @ Was
11. Blair Walsh (Min) @ Ten
12. Nick Novak (Hou) vs. Chi
Tier Three – Why are you going below the top 12 options? Upside? Whatever..
13. Roberto Aguayo (TB) @ Atl
14. Jason Myers (Jax) vs. GB
15. Randy Bullock (NYG) @ Dal
15. Will Lutz (NO) vs. Oak
16. Josh Lambo (SD) @ KC
17. Matt Bryant (Atl) vs. TB
18. Matt Prater (Det) @ Ind