We all love drafting.
Tirelessly scouting out talent. Picking out top late round sleepers and hearing the groans from your rival league mates. Laughing hysterically at Sailor J as he continues to invest in Jay Cutler as his QB1 and still aimlessly justifies a ton of untapped potential.
Then, when the season finally hits, you get to watch the points rain down on that first glorious Red Zone Sunday and all your obsessive leg work is justified.
Really, it’s just a form of gambling we have more control over.
No, we aren’t on the field and capable of swinging if The Seahawks will cover 11.5 points against the hapless 49ers. But we can understand the important predictive factors to fantasy success and whether or not Doug Baldwin’s epic late 2015 was a fluke, or a sign of things to come.
Indeed, fantasy football preparation, and draft day in particular, are glorious. When else can you get housed with 11 of your high school buddies, many of whom you only see 1 or 2 times a year, and rip their souls to shreds for spending $15 on a kicker in your auction (those Nardella’s really know how to draft)?
The only problem? These moments really only happen throughout August, maybe early September. That’s 11 other months of untapped drafting potential.
My friends and I are so addicted, we can turn anything into a scoring system and consequent draft.
- I’ve done a fantasy basketball draft at my brother’s JV High School basketball game and seen Sailor J call a freshman center a “gutless coward” for missing a rebound.
- I’ve come up with Wedding Scoring Systems involving entrance dance moves, speech length, tears, and the first to puke all garnering + or – points. When someone broke out The Worm and my buddy got +10 points, I also made significant progress towards the first to puke penalty for another owner.
- A few legendary teachers and I have drafted children in a KnockOut tournament draft at recess, and screamed “rate of play” at kids needing to pass the ball faster.
- We’ve done commercial category drafts during big games like The Super Bowl. You draft a category — car insurance, fast food, Matthew McCoughany getting overly groomed for a poker party and biting on his fingers like he knows this ain’t just a game of cards. Each time said category comes up you get 1 point. Unless, of course, it’s the last commercial before the channel’s programming, then you get -1. Big cars and small cars need to be a separate category, plus big brand beers (Bud Light, Coors Light) have to be divided . Otherwise, the first and second overall pick is a lock to win regardless.
- Hell, I’ve done a celebration dance while some heartbroken chick is bawling her eyes out in the lonely car ride home during The Bachelor because it meant Great White Shark received the -2 point bonus in addition to -3 for his draft choice leaving the rose ceremony without the goods.
The possibilities are truly endless, and I’ve explored most.
So what if WNBA and PBA Bowling drafts consume my Sundays now? We all have our own ways of crawling to the offseason finish line that is NFL RedZone’s Countdown.
If you’re addiction runs similarly rampant, then keep it posted on The RSJ throughout this offseason. We’ll be releasing scoring systems on buzzing reality TV, events, you name it as we inch closer to NFL Kickoff.
In fact, in honor of the beautiful union between 420 and Watchathon week (Comcast = 5 star service now), we’ll shortly be releasing our greatest scoring system to date:
Game of Thrones. Stay tuned.
Submit your own scoring system / draft ideas over to firstname.lastname@example.org ; most clever scoring systems will be posted. #DraftLife