The Leek: Overzealous Dad Gets Kicked Out of Son's Fantasy Football Draft - Roto Street Journal
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The Leek: Overzealous Dad Gets Kicked Out of Son’s Fantasy Football Draft

A good gameplan requires balance. So to prevent yourself from getting overloaded by information to help your fantasy team, we’re proud to provide you info that won’t help you whatsoever, every Saturday morning during the 2021 season

 

 

Barry, 47 years old, is a great dad. He’s possibly even the greatest. That’s why he makes sure never to miss a sporting event his son Gary, 27, plays in. And so as August rolled around once again, he made damn sure to be at his son’s fantasy draft to cheer him on.

And wouldn’t you know it, Gary drew the number one pick.

“Yes!” exclaimed Barry, as he began clapping. “Alright, kiddo, time to show ’em who’s boss. Alright now, just like we talked about, you got it! Just like we practiced!”

Gary stood up, walked over to the pile of player stickers, and went to pull one off.

“Ey, whoa whoa whoa whoa, what’re ya doin’, son?”

Gary paused. “I-I-I was just, going for—”

“No no no no, that wasn’t our plan. Stick with our plan,”

“I mean, that was your plan, but—”

“Son……”

After a few second stare-off, Gary begrudgingly peeled off a different sticker, put Christian McCaffrey on the board, and sat back down.

Larry, who drew the opposite end of the board at draft slot 12, gave Gary the side-eye. “Who were you gonna take?” he asked.

“Wull, I was gonna take Mahomes.”

“Oh, yeah no, this isn’t like a superflex league.”

“A what?”

“A super, n-nevermind.”

At that point, the rest of league understood that it was probably better off Gary’s dad was there, despite the occasional glances from the other patrons at BW3s.

So, the draft continued and it got back around to Gary at 2.12. Once again, he started to pull off a sticker when—

“Gary-y-y. Stick to the fundamentals, boy.”

This time, Gary put down his original choice, and instead went for Calvin Ridley. And again, no honest leaguemate could really hold Barry’s attitude against him……yet. Larry, pleased with who he got so far at 1.12 and 2.01, got up to start the third round. Barry’s focus quickly shifted.

“Whoa hey, the f*ck are you doing?”

Larry, with a side-eye, replied,”Uh, I’m, taking, my turn?”

“Over my dead body you cheatin’ son of a bitch!”

“Oh no dude, it’s not—”

“No no I ain’t stupid, I know how this sh*t works,”

“Naw man, for real, we’re doin’ a new thing. It’s this third round reversal, it’s supposed to make teams more even and—”

“I don’t care about yer third round whatzamash*t, you think you can pull one over on me, beta?”

“Hahaha, what?”

“Aw yeah, the old man knows how to trash talk with the young guns, yeah-h-h!”

“Whatever, dude.” As Larry walked over to make his pick, Barry emphatically took off his shirt, the universal gesture to let everyone know you’re serious.

“Don’t you do it.”

“Dude, what, hahaha you’re nuts.”

“Don’t!”

“I’m gonna do it!”

“Don’t do it unless you wanna throw ha-a-ands with me, beta!”

“Here I go!”

And as Larry went for the player sticker, a struggle ensued as Barry tried to put him in a sleeper hold. It didn’t go very well, but Larry did now smell faintly of Old Spice.

“Dude, what the f*ck?! Gary what’s wrong with your dad, bro?!”

“I ain’t lettin’ you cheat like a beta snowflake!”

“Alright, that’s it, get outta here, Gary get your stupid dad outta here!”

Gary was left to choose, between family…and sanity.

“Dad, could you just, go I guess, please? People are staring.”

The look in Barry’s eye became one of heart-shattering disappointment at the realization that all the time, energy, and investment into making a son a father could be proud of……was wasted.

“Alright, fine. Can’t say I didn’t try.”

He looked around at the rest of the staring eyes at B-dubs. “You just wait! You wait til it’s your boy! Then we’ll see who’s judgin’!!” Barry grabbed his shirt, emphatically, and walked out.

In the ensuing silence, Gary sat, nervous and ashamed, when across the room a random stranger broke the silence.

“Screw him! You don’t need him!”

“Yeah!” yelled someone else.

Larry concurred. “Yeah!! That’s right! You’re a grown ass man!”

“YEAH!” exclaimed the rest of the league.

Gary got a burst of confidence. He stood triumphantly. “You know what, you’re right. I GOT THIS!!!!”

“YYEEAAAHHHH!” cried the crowd.

With anticipation, time came for pick 3.12. Gary stood up, “I GOT THIS!!!!”

The crowd was on their feet, cheering him on like any loving, supportive parent would. Gary checked his notes, and walked to the draft board. He couldn’t believe he was going to get his number one player at that position.

He grabbed the sticker, grinning ear-to-ear, and ever, so, emphatically, slapped the board with the name of his guy: Harrison Butker.

Author

  • Driven by profit, has the lobes for business. Prioritizes anchors as part of a diversified portfolio. Seeks to be the first hue-mon to become the Grand Nagus. On Twitter @ChaseM_G

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